In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
