i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Randomize
