either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
