Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Randomize
