I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
no more duck duck goose at the bar
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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