I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
