Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
