i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
