If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Randomize
