Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
