Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
