Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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