Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Randomize
