That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
