Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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