You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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