can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
