The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
