My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Randomize
