i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Randomize
