Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
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