Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
