I could have mohawked her pubes.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
