I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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