He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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