Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Randomize
