so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
