I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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