I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
