our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Randomize
