he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
