Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
