it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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