What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Success! We fucked roommates!
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