oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize