I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
