please come you make the beer taste better
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize