ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
