I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Randomize
