Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Randomize
