Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
you never un-have a 4some
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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