Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
