You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
