FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
ttyl tear gas
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
