hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
