My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
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