She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Randomize
