Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
