Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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