let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
