when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Randomize
