Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I need to align my fucking chakras
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
