Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
do nipples grow back?
Randomize