Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
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