last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Randomize
