I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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