So drunk, too bad you don't want this
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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