Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
