So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
