I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
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