Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize
