he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
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