I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize