why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
