my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
