Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
