my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
