Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Randomize