phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Randomize
