omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Randomize
