someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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